Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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