Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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