I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
