i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
