I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
