I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
