Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
