tell your sister to shave her snatch
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
