is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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