He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
