apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
