So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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