the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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