I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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