I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
