so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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