In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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