I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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