how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
