I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
