I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
