Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
