and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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