I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
