Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
