oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will pee on everything he values.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
