hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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