I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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