Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
