dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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