so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
