i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
