I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
