Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
