my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
