sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
