Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
