didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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