How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize