overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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