and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
