Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
