I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
