i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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