Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
