I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
