after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
