Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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