in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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