First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
