i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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