I'm really into asian looking animals
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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