his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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