do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
