My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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