Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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