Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
