We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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