5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
