the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
