I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
