Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
