WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
