someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
