I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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