I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
